positive validation

•August 25, 2007 • Leave a Comment

i am attempting to get on the good foot. be open to the positive things in my life. I am attuning my attenea to things that push me in the right direction. I even welcome a good swift kick in the ass if it means i’m getting off said ass to do something good and positive and motivating.

so today before work i got up and went out the happily natural day here in town. it was interesting to meet the faces behind many of the websites i’ve been lurking on for some time now. Met some really cool down to earth people. saw some things i should have bought. but i had to get to work. ot and what not.

when i first approached the event a stranger.. called me by name. and perhaps i should not call her stranger.. because she knew me and my body of work. praised my previous performances at the open mic and then told me that she had been trying to find me. who me?  for a commerical for her salon… amazing.. if that is not positive affirmation that my head is in the right direction and that i around the right people.. i don’t know what is!

so i may be singing and or speaking some poetry for this young lady’s salon and/or her website for her products..the crazy thing is.. i’ve been carrying a flyer of her website/ salon in this book i’ve been reading for almost the last month..

i suppose this is what one calls kismet?

the other positive thing. I went to the studio last night to listen to a friends work. when i got to the studio i learned the engineer was a friend of mine. needless to say i’ve been speaking on doing some work and haven’t been doing it. the engineer was happy to see me and called me on my trife laziness.. but out of it. .i’ve learned.. he’s a producer/engineer/ vocal arranger etc.. he lives around the corner from me and has a home studio@#$@#$!  you mean i didn’t even have to go far?? yeah i’ve been off my zone of late.

so i have a date on wednesday to meet with him and his roomate. i think my songwriting family is coming together..

i’m excited. after all the negative ish i’ve been through lately.. my spirit really needed some positive validation.

ashe

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before

•August 23, 2007 • 1 Comment

before there was a her and him

there was him and her

and she was digging him, she was so into him

and then she saw the him of him

the him he could not see

and she understood him

knew him and her before her and him

knew the thick and hard and flat and thin

she’s always been in

or in btwn

watching waiting

breathing seeing

she’s always been

she always knew

she and he

her n him

way before

them

s/he

when it hurts so bad

•June 29, 2007 • 2 Comments

“when it hurts so bad” – l.hill

When it hurts so bad, when it hurts so bad
Why’s it feel so good?

I loved real, real hard once
But the love wasn’t returned
Found out the man I’d die for
He wasn’t even concerned
I tried, and I tried, and I tried
To keep him in my life
I cried, and I cried, and I cried
But I couldn’t make it right
But I, I loved the young man
And if you’ve ever been in love,
Then you’d understand

What you want might make you cry
What you need might pass you by
If you don’t catch it,
If you don’t catch it,
And what you need ironically
Will turn out what you want to be
If you just let it,

i got my feelings hurt again..

i loved real real hard once but the love wasn’t returned. and he was an energy following long dreadlocked free spirit. i thought we had a connection. I thought i saw the sun in his eyes.. tonite.. i saw him in the distance.. and he just walked on by.

when it hurts so bad..

this don’t feel good.

it doesn’t even really hurt that bad.. what hurts is hanging on to a love your unsure of for a love you thought you were sure of only to find out.. the love that is jealous of you.. still has connections to what makes you jealous.. it sucks.

it’s so not me.

when it hurts so bad.

you know what hurts more than being hurt by someone else?

knowing i allowed myself to be hurt by someone else. Any signs of weakness are weakpoints in the character of me and i am not too happy about that.. I’ve been the iron woman before. It’s too hard an armor to bear. I’d rather be selectively protective and alluringly mysterious.. keeping my distance when necessary and retreating to my distance as protection when necessary. i need to start writing again. i need catharsis.

You know what hurts bad?

not using my drama for creative good. it must be used. there is an album waiting to be written from all the shit i been thru

welcome to the 3rd verse..

i’ll be back for the 2nd.

the got durn side effects

•June 23, 2007 • 1 Comment

i am mad i almost considered this.. but something was a bit too friendly about the packaging.. im gld i didn’t feed into the hype.. apparently. there is some shit they ain’t talkin’ about… for real!

http://angryaussie.wordpress.com/2007/06/20/miracle-diet-pill-with-teeny-tiny-side-effect/

i didn’t know ….

•June 23, 2007 • Leave a Comment

my friend says her 1 yr old loves this song.. bless the babies…

but.. i didn’t know they made them like this in memphis.. jesus is lord…

im a sucker for some nice locs, pretty eyes and a nice set’a soup coolas.. damn..

people are amazing.

•June 23, 2007 • Leave a Comment

lately, my life has been a daytime drama.

he won’t admit to it.But i know he did it. She constantly tells me her story. I can’t figure out if she does it for shock value. To hurt me. or for her own catharsis.  but i started reading her words carefully today and saw my writing in hers. She is like a chamelon. She has no life/ thought/idea of her own.

She wanted “my man”, she wants my life. Yet when i offer my presence for her to meet me, so she can finally see who i am. Not to fight, b/c i’m not that bitch. But to meet her, so she can see the magic/ the mystery is not what she thinks it is. She cowers…They all cower.  There is not much you can do from behind your words when your point of attraction finally decides to stop writing and meet you face to face. Whatcha gon’ do now?

people are amazing to me. how they shift their shapes and mold their words and i am sure some people find me just as amazing. But im trying to maintain consistency here. So i’m writing in a new blog. She doesn’t know about. maybe i can still express myself freely on this worldwide web without fearing that someone may try to steal something else from me.

all i can say is thank god i know who i am and i know i never have fully presented myself to anyone except those who deserve to know me fully. thank god. u don’t know me. so you can steal my smile from me too.

peace

Hello world!

•March 20, 2006 • 1 Comment

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